May 29, 2009

I've been wearing full body-suits to avoid getting bug guts all over my clothes. If you ever travel through the mountains, make sure to bring your goggles so the flies, that are the size of little pigs, don't get in your eyes. Another helpful tool to have is a piece of plutonium, that way you never have to stop for diesel. Take the turns in 5th gear and borrow wood from unsuspecting farmers; I don't think they mind considering they have the peripheral as a horse with blinders. Burn the wood you steal in a ditch, not the yard. God it smells good. Don't forget to wave to the children and old people... they've never seen trucks at 1050m before. The ground is thick with wood-chips, branches and moss, sample some if you like, but don't forget to boil it first (who knows what the dwarves sprinkled on it). The pilgrim's road to salvation isn't far from here, make sure to light a candle and click your heels like Dorthey when she wanted to GTFO. Entering the Haute Loire (we're high and you don't pronounce the T). Uh-oh, 3.9m will we fit?! Yes, aaahhhh... you can undo your belt buckle if it gets too tight from all the pork-rinds. In 900m, turn left. Are we going to get Wi-Fi here? If you're reading this that's an affirmative...turning left... Paper mill in the mountains, that's some nice wood. 44km to go until we reach our destination of old volcano Massif Central. Attention! Horse crossing. This town is caché between the cleavage of the mountains, good thing there's a church nearby, we were feeling frisky. The lilacs are in full bloom and all the bees are laying eggs dusted with fluorescent yellow pollen. There must be something special in that flower. Heidi is purring and drinking diesel like a German drinking a beer stein. There's a town called Felines, alert the cat authorities. I'm getting queasy writing this so I'd better put it down. One more thing, don't forget to breathe. Curves like an Albanian workhorse. Blah Blah Blah yadda yadda yadda, he must've lost his tongue and misplaced his spirit after staying in one place for so long.